So, I had nothing left to do. All that needed to be said was said, and everything that we did was done. My last option was to dedicate my yoga practice to love, happiness and focusing my attention inward “thy self” as my teacher refers to it. I did what any girl would do, having the first falling out or disagreement in my new relationship; I turned to yoga or Buddha. Okay maybe not any girl, but there was nothing left and the “if he loves me he will call me rigggghht now” expecting some sort of magical phone ring on the “now” playing in my brain. I was driving myself crazy, if only in my mind.
Naturally, I dedicated the one hour class to “staying on my mat” let’s translate that to mean I have a nasty habit of looking around the class at what everyone else is doing or not doing, eyeing them up and down like an Italian chick in Milano’s fashion week. “What are you doing that I can’t?” or thinking “Well, I can do that too!” Well, I smacked myself in the face before I chugged a dose of reality and admitted that I sound like a two year old child. Who am I to look or sneak a peek at anyone else’s mat in the first place? And get real Krysta, because that woman is double your age, so stop gloating. In turn I stopped looking around the class at each of the lovely women but turned towards myself. I focused on what I am good at and what I love so much about the practice. By the end of the class I was smiling not only with my lips, but my heart and soul and laughing with the other ladies instead of giving them the “Italian momma and your dating my son you’ll never be good enough” competitive eye.
Perhaps what I really realized is that I need to “stay on my mat” in all aspects of life. I am constantly comparing myself with others, other women’s bodies, celebrities and friends. I put my relationships under the microscope and examine the evidence side by side with the people that I know. Like yoga in which no two bodies are the same, so we can not just glaze over at the next purple lotus flower mat to either give ourselves confidence or jump start (or stomp) competition or make ourselves feel negatively if their “Tree” pose is awesome. No two relationships are the same either we just can’t peer in our neighbors windows to analyze their relationship. As soon as I gave this deep thought and searched with in myself (Only) on my own paisley green yoga mat I began to understand. We are what we are, each person is different as each relationship is different. And sometimes we have misunderstandings or a disagreement with people we love, but the answer is not what lies on the out side but the secret lies within. As I walked out to my car a little drizzle kissed my face, I smiled from within. I couldn’t help but wonder if ‘he’ finally called after 24 hours without speaking, the answer was clear, what is meant to be will always be and if not then, oh well, there is a reason behind it. I looked down at my phone and saw the blinking missed called. The conclusion is we must find ourselves first, clear our minds, take time to breathe and in the end what is right will be.